(there's something fishy about my offspring.... you'll notice the similarities. On the left was Khai at a week old. On the right is our newest family member)
SO. Big news in our household. We are having another baby! About a year ago I started writing an entry about a pregnancy that never came to be. I didn't get around to completing it and then got the news that the pregnancy wasn't viable. Saying I was devestated is an understatement but we'll go with that word and just move forward.
It was a pretty rough time for us and both John and I had our own way in dealing with it - certainly I can say it could have been handled differently, would have been nice if it had been - but hey we aren't pros at this sort of thing and sometimes you just dont know how to act/react. BUT, I will say I strongly believe it has helped us both go into this new pregnancy in a totally different and positive light.
Fast forward to today, I am currently 24 weeks pregnant. 25 in just 4 more days.
Seems this time I ballooned up super fast in comparison to when I was pregnant with Khai. I keep reading that its a common thing with subsequent pregnancies but honestly its tiring to hear "wow are you having twins?" far too many times than you'd like. This time around I not only dealt with indigestion, heartburn, nausea, etc (all things I didn't have with Khai) but also the constant concern that this pregnancy wouldn't be viable either. I was a wreck inside up until my first appointment. I did my best to remain positive on the outside but inside I really was dying. The day of the appointment I started crying before the doctor even did the scan and was afraid to look up on the screen. Once I heard both her and John say "look its the heartbeat!", I burst into sobbing tears. I spent the rest of the day in some form of disbelief, unable to really feel the joy I would figure one to feel. And even though I saw on the screen that everything was ok, I wasn't confident yet that it was, and wouldn't be for some time afterwards. I spent the next several weeks worried, all the while trying to put on a brave face as I listened to everyone telling me to be positive. And while I knew everyone meant well, it was just as frustrating for me to hear people telling me to stop feeling the way I felt. It wasn't until I went in for the genetics ultrasound that I started to feel a sense of things will be OK. I went to this appointment alone - anxious and nervous. The wait in the waiting room felt like an eternity. But once I saw a perfect baby up on the big screen, every scared feeling I had just had, was out the window. It was one of the coolest things ever, seeing this! In the photo I came home with, I swear this baby is flipping the bird. If thats not a good sign that all will end well, I dont know what is. haha. From there, I started feeling less and less worried about things and with each appointment since, I've been less stressed. On May 1st, I had my 20 week ultrasound - this is the big one where they can tell you if its a boy or girl. We opted not to find out. Everything went well with that appointment only baby was being stubborn and wouldn't allow for the technician to get a good read of the spine. So, on May 29th I went back for a repeat scan. This time I brought my mom with me. I know she was really happy to be able to be a part of this and I was happy to have my mommy with me. This time, baby was still being stubborn - it took the tech over half an hour to get the spine. I left with some pretty awesome pictures though! But then shortly after I received an email from my doctor saying that while everything else was ok, there was a prominence of the heart muscle on the right side of the heart - called an echogenic focus. She said this is a normal finding though and not to get online and start researching or i'll just drive myself mad with worry and think there is some association with a chromosomal abnormality. She said not to worry because all my first trimester screenings came back perfectly. I stressed that day. I resisted the urge to research, but with the help of John and my friends it was pointed out that IF there was some sense of something bad, then the doctor wouldn't just simply email me.. she'd have me come in right away. I will say I did research a little.. and what I found did put my mind at ease that likely theres nothing for me specifically to worry about (I hope). So until the doctor says otherwise, I have told myself to put it behind me. I thought long and hard about what could have caused this.. the first scan on May 1st was just fine. So somewhere between then and the 2nd one, something happened... then I thought perhaps it had to do with how sick I had gotten and the meds I had taken. I stopped everything, suffered with chronic coughing and back pain and the like... and eventually got over it all. It took forever but I'm for the most part in the clear .... except now the indegestion is back and it seems like some acid reflux. Yay.
And let me not forget to mention... a car accident in the middle of it all. The positive - nobody was hurt and I was able to have another ultrasound just to be sure and thus able to see my baby up on the big screen again.So here we are.. a little more than half way through. Its hotter than humid hot out, my hands are starting to swell, my belly is getting huge, but we are all healthy and happy. Khai has nicknamed the baby Coco, which is what we all call him/her now. We have decided though that if its a boy we'll name him Lucas. If its a girl, we'll name her Maiya. Already I'm hearing protests, but we've picked each name with reason and meaning behind them and we are happy with our choices.
And thats the baby story in a nutshell thusfar.
Did I mention that Khai is so very excited to be a big brother? He is! He's been asking for a baby for some time now. I still can't imagine having another. Khai and I are thick as thieves.. The connection we have is much like that my mom and I have - and for me growing up as the only child, I can't imagine another child in the mix. It's going to be a new day for me for sure! Khai is so good though, he sings to Coco, rubs my belly, he asks if I'm ok, he has asked all the questions about how babies are made and born and every week asks what size Coco is now. He saves the toys he's outgrown to pass on, and I'm excited to have him as my little helper - although he's specifically told me he wont change a diaper because he knows baby poo smells worse than his poo. Dont be so sure little man....
(Khai and Coco - 17 weeks)
