Sitting Up 101: A baby's guide to impressing the parents

I've been sitting on my own for a little while now and while my parents are proud of me they may still feel the need to well, feel needed. I will honestly say (between you and I) that I cannot pull myself up to the sitting position on my own yet -but if anyone asks, I will lie til theres no tomorrow. With the idea in mind that I (or you) "neeeeed" them - here are the basics of pulling up to the upright position.

STEP 1: Appear in need of assistance.


STEP 2: Strain and pull. Make sure you make a face like you are trying to pass gas. This gives your parents the impression you are really trying hard. A couple of grunts don't hurt either.


STEP 3: Almost there...put on your smiles...show them you are impressed with yourself - this in turn impresses them as they continue to cheer you on, calling you a big boy and saying Come on, you can do it...come on!


STEP 4: Give that look like What? Did I do it? Did I just sit up??


STEP 5: Big Smiles! You have impressed everyone...show yourself off. Laugh and babble a bit, then fart. Chances are they will make you do it all over again. NOTE* if they make you do it too much - and more than likely they will - you can start crying. This usually causes them to pick you up and start bouncing around and doing whatever else they can think of to soothe you. But you already know that game.

They See Me Rollin'....They Hatin'...

March 28th, 2007 - I rolled. Rolled onto my face, rolled onto my back. Mommy missed the whole thing. She's pretty upset. I gave her a couple freebie rolls though, but only from front to back - the easy stuff. See, after she decided to stick me in the bum with a suppository last night(this brings back bad memories for me) I felt she didn't deserve a back to front roll. Not yet at least. Seriously, was it that necessary to stick me? I haven't even pooped yet as the package promises. Package lies.

They see me rollin'

They hatin'

Patrollin'

And tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

My farts so loud;

I'm stinkin'

They hopin'

That they gon' catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Tryin' to catch me goin' poopy

Boycott

As The Great Cooper says: Sleep is for the Weak.

I am on official strike and plan to be for an indefinite

amount of time. The word "nap" is no longer a part of my

vocabulary or daily life.

I have made it my mission to be grouchy, fussy, tired even...

for the sake of the boycott. All babies unite!

JUST SAY NO TO SLEEP!

Down with sleep!

Today's Pictures: Miss Lily and I

Part 2: Loop Throwing - It's Fun!

Heh Heh Heh. I’m a little devil. As the morning rolled on, I was not in pain. In fact, I ate, drank, relaxed, watched some cartoons and played up my cuteness to my Grandma in full force. No crying, no fussing – I was a good boy. Let them wonder whats up with me now! Am I teething? Am I not? Nobody knows!!! Mwaa hahaa. I cough a little here, I sneeze a little there. Is it a cold? Who knows! I will never tell. I haven’t hiccupped in quite a while, so I decided I’ll throw a couple of those out as well for no good reason – not even after a drink – just a random bout of hiccups out of the mysterious blue. You should see them wonder! I love it. Yesterday I even semi- rolled. Ooh, they had their hopes up for a full roll but no no no....I didn’t give it to them! Now I hear Cooper is getting himself onto his hands and knees. Poor Mommy is hoping I”ll get there too. Mommy is hoping for anything at this point. She keeps telling me Coop will get all the girls if I don’t get my act together. She is so silly. I’m the Ladies Man. My t-shirt says so. I am not worried. The ladies will come to me. In the meantime I will have to have a conference with Mr. Cooper U. He dared roll and crawl without me. I think Zach is up to the same. I will say though that I am proudly one 5 month old who can sit on my very own. On some occasions I’ll sit for a decent amount of time, watching tv, chit chatting etc. Other times I tumble over while trying to attack my feet. Those darn things keep wiggling at me, I just have to smack them! Anyways, enough of this for now. I’m exhausted from all this writing. I’m off to think of new ways to stir up something in the household... more later.

Part 1: This wonderful blog is brought to you by a little thing called Sore Gums and Crankiness

The past three days have been eventful to say the least. My gums hurt. I hurt. Mommy's head hurts. And we are all exhausted. I try to cope as best as I can but jabbing pains in my mouth do not permit me to. I don't know what’s going on. Mom says I’m teething. I hear those little suckers can give a tight bite. I bite pretty strongly as it is – Mommy will attest to that. I cannot begin to describe what I am going thru as I have yet to experience enough in my 5 months. I can only hope this goes away fast. I think Mommy will agree – but I have a feeling this teething thing is here to stay, at least for a while. I’ve spent the past three days chewing on frozen plastic, washcloths, and a couple fingers, including my own. Actually I chew on my fingers a lot. My mom can’t get me to drink my milk WITHOUT my finger ALSO in my mouth. Heh Heh...part of that is to just throw her for a loop; the other part is it relieves the pain as I poke at my gums. Something is trying to poke its way out of them. I hope to poke it or them, back in. I also now have a bit of a red face...what some would call a drool rash. Constant wiping and dapping of the wet chin will do that. I also banged my head with my teething ring this morning – that pretty much upset me for the morning and left me feeling miserable as I rode off to grandma’s house, strapped in the prison they call a car seat. I hear I am going to get a new one soon because my feet have reached the edge of my current one and I’m getting too big for it. I don’t know if I should be excited about this or what. I think I’m not. I don’t see what is so exciting about that darn thing anyways....I don’t get to see anything, I face the back of the car and the whole while, Mommy is in the front singing Bert and Ernie songs to me about the letters L and D and a rubber ducky and I’m supposed to be impressed?? Yes, I am having a foul day. So poo poo on me. What do I care? I am a rebel anyways; I will spit on you, like I did this morning as Daddy strapped me into the prison seat. Not only that, my hat is too small for my head and nobody seems to want to get me a new one. What does a kid have to do around here to get a new hat and some pain relief? I’d like to take a moment here to put in a word on my Moms behalf. She has been sleep deprived (she says for roughly a year now) but she has been trying pretty hard to keep me sane, although some of her methods have me thinking God....what a retard. She does make great efforts though with her crazy songs, her almost obnoxious dances and the faces she makes....oh man, the faces. She even sleeps hanging off the side of the bed many a nights just so I can monopolize it (and Daddy, he winds up on the couch a lot). Its only a Queen size...not meant for a KING like me... but eh, it will do as long as I can spin my 360’s in the middle of the night and kick Mommy in the gut, thighs, and wherever else I feel necessary. It’s the little things I do to pay her for her wonderful efforts. I’m a good son like that. Last night I decided I’d try something new. I let her sleep thru the night. I think that made her happy and rested. It probably won’t happen again so I hope she doesn’t count on it – as I always say – gotta keep the adults on their toes, forever guessing my next move.

Baltimore National Aquarium

This past Sunday I went to the Baltimore Aquarium for the very first time. It was a long trip for me especially since I hate being imprisoned in my carseat for any amount of time. Mommy was kind enough to sing silly songs to amuse me until I fell asleep and when I woke up, we were there. There was lots to see at the aquarium but I was in a rather foul mood and couldn't find it within myself to just enjoy everything. Plus its kind of hard for a little fella like me to see much since everyone else was much bigger than me and in my way. Mommy tried to point out the fishies to me and I tried to hang on as long as I could until I could at least see the big, mean sharks...it was tough. I screamed, I howled, I hollered...but the sharks didn't hear me. At some point I must have passed out because when I woke up we were eating lunch at the Cheesecake factory and I had missed the sharks. Hmph. I hollered for them some more...but alas, no sharks for me. Daddy says next time, we are waiting until i'm a little older before we go back there. I gave him a hard time about it the entire ride home. When we finally got home I was just happy to be out of that stinkin carseat. Had myself a little snack and passed out for the evening.

My Best Friend Cooper

I have a very best friend and his name is Cooper. Cooper and I have known each other since the day we were born. Originally the doctors told Mommy and Daddy that I was going to be a girl - if that were true, Mommy tells me I would end up as Coopers wife one day.  Cooper and I have lots of plans - we already conspire with each other every night when our mommies are asleep and come up with various ways we can keep them on their toes. Great minds think alike - cause we are often coming up with similar ideas. Its good to have a best friend out there who understands you! When I am having a bad day, Cooper is having the very same bad day. When things are great, his days are great too. Mommy tells me we are the very best babies in the whold wide world, and the cutest and smartest too. Of course she is right and I know Cooper would agree.
Here is a picture of my bestest friend in the universe!!!

Oh Mommy...

Mommy got all teary eyed when she stopped by to visit me today during her lunch break from work. I had decided to impress her with my hand coordination skills. She was dangling a pacifier in my face so I snatched it up and shoved it in my mouth. You should have seen the shock on her face. Then the tears followed. She called me her little big boy and was clapping and kissing me all over. Then she dangled the pacifier again, so I figured I best amuse her by grabbing ahold of it again. More astonishment from Mommy. I think she really couldn't believe what was happening so she did it again...and again..and again. I continued to impress her. Seeing Mommy so happy makes my day. She told me I was growing up too fast though - I'll be 5 months old this coming Tuesday - and that time flies. This makes her sad because pretty soon I'll be walking, then running, then dating girls. She said she'll most likely hate all the girls I date. She is too funny sometimes, but I love her as much as all the grains of sand in the whole wide world!

I Have Found My Feet

So last night I apparently found my feet. Didn't know that I ever really lost them, especially since Mommy is constantly shoving them in my face because it makes me laugh. Although I will say that she needs to not do it as often because man...they can get to be stinky at times!!! Anyways, last night, Mommy gave me a warm bath - which I hate beause I don't even get to play with toys or anything..I just have to lay there while Mommy sings Rubber Ducky and splashes me with water and zips me to the bedroom really quick to put some clothes on me. This all happens in less than 5 minutes. But I digress....so Mommy gave me a bath and was dressing me when my foot landed in my hands. But just as quickly as it landed, it slipped thru my fingers and disappeared. Mommy brought it back, screaming for Daddy that I had "found my feet". Next thing I know, Daddy was hovering over me taking a million pictures and there I was, laying there in nothing but my onesie watching Mommy and Daddy make silly faces at me. I just stared at them like they were insane (which they are) and from time to time laughing at them. Don't quite know what I think of these feet yet. They are still useless to me. Maybe I can stick them in my mouth or something....

Tough Guys

Here are a couple of pictures of my brother Carter and I. We's tough guys. Chicks dig us.

Diplo and Friends

Diplo is my pet monkey. He tends to go with me everywhere unless mommy forgets to grab him on the way out the door. He got his name from grandma (mommy’s mommy) and it's short for Diplomat....why? because he provides me with the utmost security. Trans global, diplomatic immunity, mommy says, from all that try to harm me. I always hear Mommy saying I’m precious cargo – especially when we are driving somewhere. I must be a very important person. Diplo and I have a pretty good relationship. I like to bite him and he doesn’t seem to mind. I bite his arms, his tail....whatever I can fit into my mouth. He rubs my gums for me and I drool on him in return. I also have a new friend named Slim McWhiskerson. He’s Tubsy McWhiskerson’s cousin (see Coopers blog). He left his native land of Canada and came to be with me since I can’t have Cooper here with me, which pretty much makes me sad...but Slim does voice impersonations of Cooper which I find totally humorous. He’ll do for now. I have some other special friends that entertain me...lets see...there's Feio, my other monkey. He mainly just hangs around my crib. Mr. Gloworm is a regular at my crib too. Slim informs me that Mr. Gloworm has a twin brother who lives with Tubsy and Cooper...also named Mr. Gloworm. Imagine that. Snake is my inchworm – yet another friend of mine who has ties to Coopers friends. I like him alot because he squeaks at me. Coccyx is my skeleton who likes to dress up in funny costumes from time to time. Right now he has my Santa suit on. He tells me he plans to dress up like the Easter bunny soon if I’m good. Man, there are too many to list. I'll just post a picture of me and the crew.... Mommy had me sit on the couch with them all. I felt like ET.