3 Months Maiya

I can't believe 3 months have flown by already. I was looking back at Maiya's newborn pictures and realized just how much she's grown in these past few months. The hardest thing is not being here each day to watch the new things blossom.  I went back to work on December 2nd and my days start at 5am and I don't get home until near 6pm.  My commute both ways is in the dark and I feel like I barely get to see these kids except for when they are going to bed.  But lets not get mopey here..  lets talk about the things this little girl is up to in her mere 3 months!


At 3 months, Maiya:

• Smiles  - I can't tell you how much I love this. She smiles so much now!  And its about time because the first two months was crying and grouching alllll the time. I love her smile, her smile melts me in a heartbeat!

• Has found her hands and her feet!  - actually she found her hands last month and her feet this month ( roughly a month before Khai did).

• Talks - Well, coos and attempts to mimic and just chatters away!

• Teething -  What what? She's begun teething already. Lots of drooling and gumming her fists. I don't recall all of this with Khai? Is this teething? I have no idea.. but the drooling is happening.

• Rolling - She's trying! She wants to badly....

Speaking of Khai and time flying by. My first born... growing up so very fast before my eyes, I'm afraid each time I blink because when my eyes open again he's grown another inch, another minute, another year.  I look back through my posts and can't believe he's come so far from the teeny little baby he was to this grown boy who seems to not need me as much anymore. He's so smart and so active and has a mouth that won't quit. The energy he has on most days I can only wish for. You wouldn't believe me if you saw him in the mornings though. Talk about the dramatics of being tired. Which too, sometimes play out at bedtime when he says he's soooooo tired and can't possibly brush his teeth, and then spends his energy fussing about it for the next 10 minutes. I spend alot of time watching him sleep these days - as I mentioned, it seems this is when I see my babies the most. His face has changed so much, grown from the chubby baby cheeks, the little curly locks of hair, and the teeny feet.  Some days I see the baby face in him still, other days I see what he might look like 20 years down the road.  I love these kids more than they could ever really know.

Her straight face here cracks me up.

September 13 vs. December 5

The End Is Near

Maternity Leave is just about over.  Bluntly put, I feel depressed. I don't want to go back. I wake up early as it is (if I even get to really sleep), I have an angry boss who is forever yelling at me to wipe her butt, fetch her milk, carry her.....  and granted I don't get paid in dollars, being paid with drool and spit up and little bitty baby toes and cuddles and love is far more valuable than a paycheck. And if that isn't enough, I love that I can be here for Khai. I have loved taking him to the bus stop in the mornings. Loved picking him up. Loved being here to help him with homework and watch him play with the neighborhood kids. I've loved being a mom and a home maker and this time has just flown by far too fast.

Khai Gets A Sister

My sweet Khai. He wanted a sister. Hoped for one. He kept telling everyone he thinks we are having a boy but hopes for a girl. No doubt he heard me saying this..  Both boys hoped for a girl actually, and I'm so happy to have been able to give them a baby sister to look after and love and dote over. This is one lucky gal.
I had hoped Khai would have been one of those kids who was so excited to have a new sibling that he'd be all over her. But the day he came to the hospital to see us, he was more interested in what cartoons were on TV and his bag of greasy gross Wendys. No matter though, he was 6 years old. The following weeks there was some adjustment issues.. a little attitude here and there. Totally understandable and it made me realize my baby was feeling perhaps pushed to the side because Maiya needed my immediate attention. But so did Khai.  I am not sure yet how other moms juggle it all. I'm still trying to figure it out. Now 10 weeks into it all though, Khai has become a  lot more helpful. He brings me diapers, he plays with Maiya, he soothes her when she cries.  Today he said his favorite stuffed kitty was "theirs". And when I told him being a mom to a new baby is no easy feat and that I barely have time to eat or drink some water even - he opened his little fist filled with Goldfish crackers and offered them to me. Little crushed crackers from my sweet little boy. Then he took my empty bottle of water and refilled it for me and said "it sure looks tough being a mom!" I love this kid.  I want to hug him and squeeze him up tight and kiss him til he pushes me away and then kiss him some more. I really miss him.

One Month vs. Two Months

ONE MONTH

TWO MONTHS

He Says To Call Him Spider Bat

Spider Bat, at the end of July 2013.

And Then There Was Maiya

Last note was in June. June!!! That was five months ago. A lot has happened in those five months but the numero uno top supremo is that I gave birth to a whole human being! A girl one! The entire pregnancy I was absolutely certain I was having another boy, while John was confident we were having a girl.  People had their guesses, but most leaned towards boy as well. I think too a part of me convinced myself it would be a boy because I didn't want to feel any kind of disappointment if I didn't get a little girl. Thats not to say I wouldn't love a little boy - I would love him just as much - but I wanted a girl, and holy shock and surprise I got one! And I can't tell you how many moments in the past two months I've sat and thought to myself this is one of the most luckiest, most awesomest things ever in my life - a boy AND a girl!


I can't quite remember enough at the moment to write about what happened during the pregnancy after my last post. A lot of numb hand days, uncomfortable sleep, waddling, needing to pee every two minutes, etc.. etc..  I will say that I did sleep better this time around than when I was pregnant with Khai and was far less swollen. In fact, I don't think my feet swelled at all.  With Khai though, I carried him right up to the exact moment and that was that. Walked around the day before I was due, bought a car, went into labor and had a baby. With Maiya, things were a little different.

I was told I was due 9/16. By 9/9 contractions were coming along and this time around I had a phone app to time it. Fancy. I'll never let John live it down that he fell asleep the last time when he was in charge of writing down each contraction time! Of course I know.. it was a long evening and we were both tired bla bla bla, but still, I was practically dying!  This time, my app and I took matters into our own hands. The app said I was in labor and John said lets go.. so off we went in the middle of the night. I was pretty certain it wasn't time then, despite the app, but John said better safe than sorry. By 4am they sent us back home.  I hadn't progressed past 3cm dilated.  Looking back, despite the intense pain I was having, I was making jokes all the way to the hospital, texting, taking pictures. It wasn't time.  The entire next day I hurt pretty badly and stayed in bed feeling so miserable. By Wednesday the 11th, I woke up at 5am with contractions that kicked me in the face. I laid there as long as I could and finally decided I needed to pull myself out of bed. I spent the next hour in some real legit pain, yet had the nerve to flat iron my hair between contractions. By the time John found me, I was screaming. It was such a frenzy this time. We had to get Khai situated with Rob, we had to get my bag, get me dressed, get out the door and me hoisted up into the big red truck John insisted on going to the hospital in (his dads truck).  From here on, I was that woman you see on tv screaming down the highway in labor, ready to pop a baby out at any moment. Holy hurt.  From the time we arrived at the hospital until Maiya arrived, just 40 minutes passed. I spent about 30 or so pushing. She came fast.  I remember pulling into the parking lot and wanting to die. I remember John looking for a wheelchair to get me in and me standing on the steps outside the hospital thinking I was going to have the baby right there. Wheelchair took far too long to get there so I told John we needed to go in now. The nurse guided me to the bathroom and told me to change into the hospital gown and pee in a cup for her. She came back moments later to me buck naked and crying "I can't pee for you!!" She immediately got me into the bed and checked me. 6cms.  The doctor arrived a few minutes later. 8cms. She said "you are having this baby now". Once again, I am proud to say I did this drug free.  The pain, oh my god the pain. And as I laid there pushing what felt like a giant out of me, John says "are you wearing eyeliner?!" I'm pretty sure I could have killed him then and there.  The doctor made mention that this baby is big. In fact she said this baby would be bigger than Khai, and at that moment I felt a little nervous and just how excruciating this pain was about to get. And then as if us finding out our girl was a boy (Khai) wasn't surprising enough, out came a little girl. John high fived me. Yes.. he totally did. And I couldn't have been any happier in that moment because I got my girl!!

Little Miss Maiya was born on 9/11/13 at 7:38am, weighing 7lbs 15oz.  Totally not bigger than Khai at all! Liar. She has so much hair, more than Khai did. And she looks just like her daddy - which I know makes him so happy. She also farts like him and has his grumpy scowl. But I can sit all day and crack up at her farts.. how does this teeny little thing make such grown man farts?! And all her fussing and tears (and there is a lot!) becomes nothing when she flashes her sweet smiles and wiggles her teeny toes.

Two months in.. its been an exhausting start, as expected. I can't recall if it was like this with Khai although i'd like to say it wasn't.. zombie brain only allows for memories to go so far back and is selective. Just like Khai, Maiya is a needs to be held baby. She's gotten into a fairly decent sleep pattern at night but keeps me on my toes during the day. She yells at me all the time, and doesn't often let me sit down. She loves bath time but hates getting out of the bath (yells at me then too). She's got these long pinky toes that I have no idea where they came from and I'm always wondering.  She grunts and sounds like a hungry zombie.  I haven't found a single birth mark on her, whereas Khai has almost the identical ones as I do.  And finally, now at 9 weeks or so, she's smiling so much and even talks. Talking consists of her making various sounds, in particular when I say "O" to her, she tries to say it back and sometimes does. We work on this every day, and granted she may not know exactly what she's saying, she definitely is responding and its pretty damn cool. She's got a big strawberry spot between her eyebrows that hopefully will fade away soon, and a cute pushed up nose and big slate gray eyes that are slowly turning brown.  I really can't wait to see how this girl changes and grows.

Khai and Carter are so thrilled we have a girl in the mix now. They both were hoping for a girl. I think we all were.  Both boys are very sweet to her.  I feel sad though that I am unable to give Khai the same kind of attention I used to. I know he feels it too and it really hits my heart. I can't lay and cuddle with him all night like I used to. I can't spend countless hours playing with him, and I feel like he's growing so fast before my eyes and i'm missing parts of it. He's been understanding about it but definitely has his moments. He needs my attention and I need him. But Maiya needs me too right now. I think this is the hardest part of it all for me. Not the sleepless nights, not the lack of eating, not the doom and gloom I feel looking at my post baby body.  I miss my boy.

Baby Baby Baby

(there's something fishy about my offspring.... you'll notice the similarities. On the left was Khai at a week old. On the right is our newest family member)

SO.  Big news in our household. We are having another baby!  About a year ago I started writing an entry about a pregnancy that never came to be.  I didn't get around to completing it and then got the news that the pregnancy wasn't viable. Saying I was devestated is an understatement but we'll go with that word and just move forward.

It was a pretty rough time for us and both John and I had our own way in dealing with it - certainly I can say it could have been handled differently, would have been nice if it had been - but hey we aren't pros at this sort of thing and sometimes you just dont know how to act/react. BUT, I will say I strongly believe it has helped us both go into this new pregnancy in a totally different and positive light. 

Fast forward to today, I am currently 24 weeks pregnant. 25 in just 4 more days.

Seems this time I ballooned up super fast in comparison to when I was pregnant with Khai. I keep reading that its a common thing with subsequent pregnancies but honestly its tiring to hear "wow are you having twins?" far too many times than you'd like.  This time around I not only dealt with indigestion, heartburn, nausea, etc (all things I didn't have with Khai) but also the constant concern that this pregnancy wouldn't be viable either. I was a wreck inside up until my first appointment. I did my best to remain positive on the outside but inside I really was dying. The day of the appointment I started crying before the doctor even did the scan and was afraid to look up on the screen. Once I heard both her and John say "look its the heartbeat!", I burst into sobbing tears. I spent the rest of the day in some form of disbelief, unable to really feel the joy I would figure one to feel.  And even though I saw on the screen that everything was ok, I wasn't confident yet that it was, and wouldn't be for some time afterwards.  I spent the next several weeks worried, all the while trying to put on a brave face as I listened to everyone telling me to be positive. And while I knew everyone meant well, it was just as frustrating for me to hear people telling me to stop feeling the way I felt. It wasn't until I went in for the genetics ultrasound that I started to feel a sense of things will be OK.  I went to this appointment alone - anxious and nervous.  The wait in the waiting room felt like an eternity.  But once I saw a perfect baby up on the big screen, every scared feeling I had just had, was out the window. It was one of the coolest things ever, seeing this!  In the photo I came home with, I swear this baby is flipping the bird.  If thats not a good sign that all will end well, I dont know what is. haha.  From there, I started feeling less and less worried about things and with each appointment since, I've been less stressed.  On May 1st, I had my 20 week ultrasound - this is the big one where they can tell you if its a boy or girl. We opted not to find out. Everything went well with that appointment only baby was being stubborn and wouldn't allow for the technician to get a good read of the spine. So, on May 29th I went back for a repeat scan. This time I brought my mom with me. I know she was really happy to be able to be a part of this and I was happy to have my mommy with me. This time, baby was still being stubborn - it took the tech over half an hour to get the spine. I left with some pretty awesome pictures though!  But then shortly after I received an email from my doctor saying that while everything else was ok, there was a prominence of the heart muscle on the right side of the heart - called an echogenic focus.  She said this is a normal finding though and not to get online and start researching or i'll just drive myself mad with worry and think there is some association with a chromosomal abnormality. She said not to worry because all my first trimester screenings came back perfectly.  I stressed that day. I resisted the urge to research, but with the help of John and my friends it was pointed out that IF there was some sense of something bad, then the doctor wouldn't just simply email me.. she'd have me come in right away.  I will say I did research a little.. and what I found did put my mind at ease that likely theres nothing for me specifically to worry about (I hope). So until the doctor says otherwise, I have told myself to put it behind me. I thought long and hard about what could have caused this..  the first scan on May 1st was just fine.  So somewhere between then and the 2nd one, something happened... then I thought perhaps it had to do with how sick I had gotten and the meds I had taken. I stopped everything, suffered with chronic coughing and back pain and the like... and eventually got over it all. It took forever but I'm for the most part in the clear .... except now the indegestion is back and it seems like some acid reflux.  Yay.

And let me not forget to mention... a car accident in the middle of it all. The positive - nobody was  hurt and I was able to have another ultrasound just to be sure and thus able to see my baby up on the big screen again.

So here we are.. a little more than half way through. Its hotter than humid hot out, my hands are starting to swell, my belly is getting huge, but we are all healthy and happy. Khai has nicknamed the baby Coco, which is what we all call him/her now.  We have decided though that if its a boy we'll name him Lucas. If its a girl, we'll name her Maiya. Already I'm hearing protests, but we've picked each name with reason and meaning behind them and we are happy with our choices.

And thats the baby story in a nutshell thusfar.
Did I mention that Khai is so very excited to be a big brother? He is! He's been asking for a baby for some time now. I still can't imagine having another. Khai and I are thick as thieves.. The connection we have is much like that my mom and I have - and for me growing up as the only child, I can't imagine another child in the mix.  It's going to be a new day for me for sure!  Khai is so good though, he sings to Coco, rubs my belly, he asks if I'm ok, he has asked all the questions about how babies are made and born and every week asks what size Coco is now. He saves the toys he's outgrown to pass on, and I'm excited to have him as my little helper - although he's specifically told me he wont change a diaper because he knows baby poo smells worse than his poo.  Dont be so sure little man....  

(Khai and Coco - 17 weeks)

Catching Up

I'm really getting bad at this...lazier and lazier..  or perhaps i'll just go with I've been SO unbelieveably busy that when I find a moment, I just want to sit and do a whole bunch of nothing.  I made attempts to catch up on whats been going on not too long ago but then that trailed off.  So here we go with yet another attempt to recap some things:

Khai's almost done with Kindergarten now and in just a little over a week will attend summer camp at the Lifetime Fitness Gym. He'll be swimming, going on field trips to places like the air and space museum and the zoo, and doing a number of other fun activities - he's extremely excited to go and we are excited for him!
Kindergarten itself was a great adventure for him. He loved it. His teachers were all so very wonderful and we are bummed that they'll be transferring all the kids in our neighborhood to another school for the next school year.  We've seen him come out of his shell this past year as he's grown into this fiesty little busy body with a mouth to boot. Have you noticed little kids just love to be loud? Holy ear piercing - He still has the pterodactyl shriek down pretty strong! He loves going outside and playing with the neighborhood kids and its just been so weird for me getting used to kids knocking on our door daily asking "Is Khai home? Can he come out and play?", or coming home to a living room full of kids and Legos and total chaos. Reminder here.. I was an only child.. this much commotion in the house is far too much stimulation for me and I'm still wrapping my mind around it all trying not to pull my hair out...and at the same time..yes, its pretty cool to see something I never really had growing up being all only child and not as outgoing as he is. 
Academically, he's doing pretty well - although it would seem from the criteria on the report cards that things have gotten really tough for kids these days - or perhaps its just the school system in this county. Either way, some of the topics listed were questionable, but he seems to be managing just fine. He's a great reader, though his writing is looking like it'll be as wonderful as ours...

Teeth - this boy has lost some teeth finally! Wait, why am I even sounding excited about this. I'm not!  It means my baby is growing up and now he's got those funny looking teeth. Its not cute anymore..and yet its pretty cute..  I'll write a separate entry for his teeth...

Is it terrible I can't think of other things that have happened lately? Yes.. it is..
Lets see... hmmm...  Ok i've been cooking..learning how to cook really. Thats probably my one only ME thing..which frankly I've noticed i'm starting to run out of ideas and drive. I just dont know how people find the time, but seriously I was all gung ho there for a minute..several minutes really and now I feel like i'm in a lull. I've been taking pictures and jotting down recipes for everything I've made - I had these grand plans to put everything into a blog and then eventually print out a recipe book, and somewhere along the way I slacked off on that too. Now i'm like a year behind.  Between writing here and writing there.. I have so much to do. How will I ever catch up?!

His heart is so big.

I can't remember exactly when this was.. clearly a nice day...  I had back on a day that I picked Khai up from preschool and as we got out of the car to come into the house, Khai came upon this.. butterfly? moth?  I obviously don't know the difference here.  Either way, it was dead and it broke Khai's heart when he saw it.  He is usually scared to touch bugs or anything of the sort, but he picked this butterfly/moth up and he cried.  He cried!!  I can't say how I felt.. I was a mix of sad for him, proud of him for being such a big compassionate heart, and just wanted to scoop him up and kiss and hug him all over.